The hardest thing to accept, of course, is death. But it is utterly and undeniably unavoidable. We do so many things to try to prevent it. We have safety belts and medicines, we diet and exercise, we try to avoid dangerous places and situations. At least most of us do. Some of us run right into the face of death, for liberty, country, or to protect our homes and loved ones. Some of us try to cheat death, like daredevils and risk takers, or do it for the love of something, like speed or teams or adventure or discovery. But most of us, I think, spend most of our lives trying to avoid thinking about death.
But when death comes, there is no denying. There is a hole that is left in the world where there once was a living something. A treasured pet. A estranged parent. A lifetime spouse. A childhood friend. An exotic plant. A co-worker’s child. An embryo. And you cannot do anything in the end but accept. You may deny, reason, bargain, and grieve, but it is a reality that cannot be escaped in this physical world we live in.
So, how, then, do with live with the acceptance of death? Does this mean that we act recklessly in spite of it? Or that we cower in fear, ruminating on its impending approach? No, we must try to keep ourselves somewhere in the middle of a delicate balance between acceptance and avoidance. This is the way to navigate through life.
Now, just for fun, we can think about this on a much smaller scale. There might be something small and annoying that troubles you. Like, you don’t like the way your loved one arranges the dishes in the kitchen. Should you accept this, or should you speak out? That depends! Does it bother you enough that it makes you angry? Or is there some way you can look around it, adapt to it, so that you can keep your precious life force focused on more constructive communications? Is there some simple way you can request a change so that it doesn’t irritate you so much? See, even just thinking of that change might cause a wave of internal acceptance. Fundamentally, acceptance is something that happens inside you, and only you can choose to do it. And if you choose not to accept things that are actually true, then that way madness lies.
You must learn in life to accept yourself, and learn also to accept others. But you need to do this is ways that are not destructive to yourself, or to others. There is no easy road map for this path.
There is no doubt that in order to accept something, you need to first question or resist it. Otherwise, it would have no meaning to you at all. Which, after all, is a likely reason why the universe has given us death in the first place. As the universe is living and full of meaning. But that’s a discussion for another day.
I hope you’ve enjoyed these musings on acceptance. Subscribe to my newsletter for more field notes from Helvetica Stone.